Monday, January 09, 2006

Car Searches and the Theory of Everything

From an discussion on inventory searches and cars brought about by U.S. v. Roland (inventory search report that lists only evidence and nothing else is pretextual; however, since police could have searched incident to Terry, the search was OK):

In the beginning, there was nothing.
Then, an infinitely dense and infinitely compressed particle of something (not matter, because matter didn’t exist until about 3 seconds later) expanded in an incredible explosion that is still expanding today. A few years later, amphibians emerged from the water and begat reptiles, mammals and eventually the Constitutional Convention of 1787 and the Bill of Rights.
Before long, Henry Ford perfected the principles of mass production and made lots of money and not a few cars, which led to unsupervised courtship, early marriage and unsupervised children. Being unsupervised, children used their cars to do naughty things, which police (a separate evolutionary branch of the reptile family) didn’t like, because their cars were painted in funny colors, even though they got to go really fast and had pretty lights.
Later, some smart guy who had never been to Louisiana or Arkansas decided that because no houses had wheels, cars were not houses, and therefore, even houses with wheels were cars and the police could jealously examine them anytime they wanted, if a policeperson might think something bad might have happened in the car.



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